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because it burns being broke hurts to be heartbroken...

and always being both must be a drag.

ballpoint pens and steel guitar strings
9 August 1986

i don't want to speak these words, cause i, don't want to make things any worse. i know the sun will go down, it goes down. i turn you on like a stereo, so take a chance or you'll never know. i'm shouting out a song for you. can i still chase the same dreams? yeah i think so. i don't make good company, and one of us has got to leave. i just want to let you know that i'm still a fan. i dare you to forget those marks you left across my neck. i take a bow and get out while i can. i'm in love with my disease. i admit that i have made mistakes and i swear i'll never wrong you again. i've never been so lost, i've never felt so much at home. i've never been so alone, and i've never been so alive. i don't think you know what you've been missing. i'm not your star. i'm intrigued and i'm... sick and tired of trying. i'm still here, the faithful one. man i wish i was beautiful. you hung up on me, because i was hung up on you. i said maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me. i just found out there's no such thing as the real world. i'm getting tired of pretending i'm tough. but i guess i'll just bite my tongue and accept "someday, somehow". i still know everything. i'm too stupid to be aware of the beauty that you give this place i've never been chosen by anyone. i've got to do this right now, 'cause tomorrow i'm not looking back. forgive me for my later sins.there's some things i'd like to say to you. i wish that you'd stay. i just can't see through the evidence. i'm not like you, anymore. you'll miss me in your living room. i had a dream, when i was in high school, that i attended the punk rock academy. i just know that she warms my heart, and knows what all my imperfections are. i never jumped in and rescued you, but i wanted to. don't go worrying about me, it's not like i think about you constantly. i never told you i agreed with you, i don't think i do. i am blessed to be witness. i can see right through you. i just can't explain all the ways you devastate me. i know blue eyes get boring. i'll always remember the sound of the stereo, the dim of the soft lights. can you even hear me, standing with your spotlight on me?. i throw myself into and out of the red, out of her head she sang... you say you need me more than anyone else? well go to hell. my heart is full and my door's always open, you can come anytime you want. won't you think i'm pretty, when i'm standing top the bright lit city.you've got looks, you've got wits, you've got passion, but i swear that you've got me all wrong. but you've got me.i hide behind the books i read, while scribbling my poetry, like art could save a wretch like me, with some ideal idealogy.no words that you say could ever make me want to change.pull me under your weather patterns, the cold fronts and the rain don't matter.i'll be a forest fire, about to flood over an empire. with my broken heart, and my absent god. who wants a life that's filled with semesters and useless knowledge and wasted credits. i've said some words i'd like to give to you.lights, camera, actuon, i think i'm going for it this time. can't you see, it's not me you're dying for. stepping on his gold terrain, he's moving on with bold refrain, this blatantly old campaign is moving on. i'm a freak, and i'm nervous when it's easy. i don't think you're so famous miss, i miss everything when you're away from me. i play my cards, the best i can. i'm thinking of heading south, bittersweet memories of your mouth. memory defeats us all, i've touched the stagnant waters, muddy walls.if you'd call my name out loud, do you suppose that i would come running? do you suppose i'd come at all? i suppose i would. i came here expecting next to nothing. i won't be left dancing alone to songs from the past. it's holding me up-right, but making me uptight, and bouncing out my speakers so it's keeping me up nights. if you left it up to me, everyday would be a holiday from real. it's funny i know, but i'm dissappointed in you. i wanna wake up where you are, i won't say anything at all. when i hear the engine pass, i'm kissing you wide. we'll be the heroes of the sidewalks in our town. i'm calling from your house, in your room, in your name, laying in your bed, following your dreams.